spunkcess

Growing up

2008-08-26T13:40:00.002+08:00

Growing Up

I visited this site and to my surprised i had tags. I re read many of the entries and it did bring back loads of memories. I guess this really is the purpose of a blog aye, not needing to show the world how exciting my life may be but a place to really vent some anger, share some thoughts and just when i look back, there's a certain nostalgia about it. However people changes i think i have too and i prolly am going to have a new blog. A brand new space for me and my thoughts. So this blog might just cease to exist when that happens i guess....

You&I

2007-11-15T11:39:00.000+08:00

You&I

Not sure wat i am battling here or what exactly am i vexed upon. Mayb it was because of what you say or didn't say. The response wasnt wat i was hoping for. Mayb the warmth that i seeked or the insecurities in me that is dying to show. I needa be soothed, when ask me to tell you what i really feel i can't tell, i can't tell between factual and my own thoughts anymore. Mayb i really am creating a mountain outta a moldhill or creating problems with my lil own brain. I don't know anymore. All i noe is i juz wan to feel secure and safe. Hold me till the fear in me subsidies. I wish i know where we are heading when the bud is going to blossoms into a rose. I feel so foreign in your world, the heart is afraid to wander arnd. Fear. I juz wan to stay the way we are i juz wan us to be bold, to be in our world where we are not a stranger in.

Confused

2007-09-10T16:53:00.000+08:00

I've deleted so much of the past, the only stuff that is left are those memories etched in my head. It can get painful, thinking all those dat we once shared and all those thoughts have just been washed away.. and now everything is so complicated, it have gotten out of hand. I am not in sync with my feelings and thought, they seem to take on different views leaving me totally thrown off guard. What once used to be is no longer the same anymore. I am juz so angry with myself, why do i have to see wat other ppl feels and work according to their feelings? Why can't i juz be stronger? Why the problem with me?!

My Sky is Grey

2007-07-24T16:49:00.001+08:00

Its shaking deep inside. I need a little venting at this precise moment. I thought its was all perfect. At least i thought things could change to look a little sunnier and dat a little tinkle will shine. But i was wrong. That text msg totally threw me off balance. The inevitable had happened and things will nv be the same again. Life now holds no meaning and i am floating in the air waiting for something to be pull me down to earth again. Its like suddenly the gravity has gone. I am waiting for the decision that could make or break. And i seriously dunno what to feel now. Whether i should be a bigger person or should i juz be selfish. Afterall all humans are selfish and i have to fight for what i wan, but will all the hardwork pay off? I seriously dunno. How to compare 2 mths to 3 years? Will dat 3 years juz fade away and not leave a scar? I really doubt so. Its alrd imprinted, imprinted hard, and it will not go away for a long long time. I gave everything and a little bit more and it still aint enough. Am i really so much more worst? who says no one will compare? the entire world will. Its a battle or insecurities. Things happens for a reason, does this count as a reason? to what den? I jus need to noe. I juz want to noe. Like now!

I'm back!!

2007-05-30T10:05:00.000+08:00

Alright i am making a silent comeback. If there's absolutely anyone still visiting this forsaken place i'm truely amazed. Anyhow, i wouldnt be able to contain my excitement that i am back blogging. So shout out to all you peeps arnd! Anyway i am so bored having going to work and back home and partying and life goes on and on that i feel i need to do something about it.. okie i am planning to brush up my pea brain IT skills, first step is to upload photos in this blog. Then mayb i can create my own skin. Okie too ambitious.. when i think of what to do i'll blog alrd. LOL.. i'm outta here!

Life and its antics

2006-09-11T16:52:00.000+08:00

Ever looked at another person life and feel totally intrigued by it wishing that you own a life like dat as well? But when you really toked to the person, you realised it just isnt what it seems to be. Still, you will wonder if another ppl will look at your and feel intrigue as well. Just like the army advertisement. If your life was made into a movie would it be a interesting fast paced one or would it be a boring mundane one? Right now, i'm juz feeling all curious how it would be like to live as a fren for one day. A colleague told me i lack of determination to achieve all those dat i wan to. So many things in life i wanna do i wanna achieve. But juz somehow i feel like its a 3min interest kinda thing...

*it will pick up faith and hope will come back, i juz need to focus

Boo

2006-08-14T10:51:00.000+08:00

Well well.. i've fallen sick again. Like *groans* again. Yes, sadly again. Its test week. Feeling no urgency to be studying and nothing seems to stay in my brain for long. So much for thinking working and studying is easy peasy. Okie, i realised my mistake. Time pass by so quickly when one is studying. Its like before i knew it, wham.. its week 7.

Was over at gret's birthday bash on sat. Its at MACS. 21st birthday celebrated at macs. Imagine our reaction when we recieved the invite. Was proud of the present me and win got her. Haha. It was some honey dust that is suppose to act as a aphrodisiac.

Alright i gotta persevere for this 2 yrs den i can do wat i want.

OKie, i'm out

P/s: Thanx for all those dat still cares! Really appreciate it!

Stuck in the middle

2006-08-04T14:53:00.000+08:00

Stuck in the middle

Wonder who is still going through my blog site every now and then since its glory days are over and wats left on the website is juz a bunch of cobwebs. Such a gloomy abandoned place it has become. Still whenever, my puny brain feels like babbling some nonsense or when there are issues bothering me, i'm always back here to seek refuge. To get it out of the system. Truely a bitching paradise. Allows me to sit down and ponder over stuff and trying to rationalised it with myself. Why do i always seem like i am running into a crisis. A quarter life crisis. Hadn't i been toking about this issue since long time ago? And its back? All i can say is prolly i am still trying out and i still hadnt have any clue what to do in my life or be sure i have found something. I don't think i am making any sense here but who cares right? Its juz me and my blog left. Ha! Well.. a competitive lil girl always searching for volume always seeking for higher grounds like i am gonna be drown if i don't. Or mayb its juz my nature to change every now and then. Then, i wonder if the change is doing me any good or i am jus digging around. Or mayb i am juz not an easily contented sort of person. I miss those carefree times where there is absolutely no need to vex over life-love issues. Thats the scary part of growing up (i think i repeated this before) stresses over practically everything. I've seen the good times and the bad ones and when the bad ones hits a person, it hits the person hard. I just started my journey.. and even with this small step i took, i ran into a obstacle. It's now time to think of the solution.

30/06

2006-06-30T10:12:00.000+08:00

30/06

Its the last weekend whereby i can let down my hair and enjoy the "freedom" of not needing to rush assignments, projects, meet deadlines or worry about tests and exams. As school is starting right spot on on monday. Mayb it is a good thing too.. allow me to put my focus onto something more impt in life. Have been slacking too much for the last couple of months. 9 months to be more exact. Whoa thats like close to a year. So much have happen in the past 9 months. happy, sad, exhilarating etc etc... now its like i'm hit by a big yellow bus and i'm back in reality.

Not sure if i am feeling all happy about it. Or mayb juz happy for small changes.. oh well..

*memories will fade with time... will frenship fade with time too?

Flu Bug

2006-06-23T09:58:00.000+08:00

Was down with the gastric flu bug for the last couple of days which each day one or another will urge me to head back home to rest. But stubborness got the better of me. So i stayed in the office and worked. Guess i hadnt been resting enough or given proper attention to my body.

There are oso other stuff dat is bothering me.. sigh!!

Okie i dun feel like blogging anymore.

Char: sorry babe, not able to go see u do the fashion show gig at zouk. still, love ya!

Sarah: thanx for being here.. work would be different without my "twin"

Oldie: thanx for the constant nagging and care...

Weekend in Bintan

2006-06-12T14:03:00.000+08:00

HAd a really relaxing weekend. Fully unwind. Was over at Brewerkz on friday for Philip's farewell. Kinda sad to know that he is leaving the company. Had been a really interesting character bringing lots of laughter into our daily mundane lives. And not forgetting introducing the yummy queensway non-spicy laksa. We all had like 5 tower of drinks. Ranging from mere ale-like to hardcore liquorish. Most of the guys were wasted from the drinks by the end of the night.

ANd on sat, went over to bintan with sarah, Pl and may. Seafood at the kelong was marvellous esp the szechun chicken and gong gong. Yum! Did a hair spa on sunday. Really shiok! Worth every penny spent. Life is much slower there, then again its suppose to be that way and spent practically most of our time at the beach there. Boy, so much clearner then spore. Not surprising. And like 2 lil kids, sarah and I started roaming the sandy beaches for nice seashells to bring home.

I feel recharged. I'm ready for watever comes along including all the shit work! Teehehe

Song of the day : Buttons - Pussycat dolls (i'm in the mood for some clubbing tracks) GrrrrPower!!

Friday

2006-06-05T11:19:00.000+08:00

Friday

It was a day correct in many ways but wrong in even more ways. I can truly say that its a night that suck! In a big way. And well, it made me realised and learnt many things the hard way too. A pretty big wake up call. The time and the phase is over.. juz let it stay dat way i suppose. Let it just stay in my heart. And enjoy it in other ways....

Blues

2006-05-29T10:23:00.000+08:00

Watched xmen over the weekend with the free tix dat ed gave. Thanks to him!! The show was kinda disappointing. They didnt wrap it up in a way i thought would wowed the audience. Not as splendid as the previous 2 even thou i didnt catch the first one with my old st margs khakis.

Went to MOS with char on friday nite after such a long time. Hmm, i think one of the best times was at zouk with the whole clan. Kinda miss clubbing with you girls! I guess i miss the company more then the activity. Sigh.. life became so mundane when everyone started working and buzzing arnd with all the other activities. New frens, new colleagues, work, boys, etc etc..

Why do i feel so unappreciated these few days? I hadnt tried hard enough? Worked hard enough? Or be someone i ought to be?

-i need a scream-

out

Fruity Day

2006-05-18T23:17:00.000+08:00

Met up with Rooie today, a belated celebration of her 21st bday. How time flies, i've know that girl since the first day we put on that green polka dotted dress. Made her rather touched with the much thought about little gift. Which was a jigsaw of us and Cheryl. Had dinner at breako (the one at bugis) and frankly, their service was horrible! We were contemplating getting them to refund us the moolas we paid for service charge, but we ain't cheapo people man, so we gave them some slack. Nonetheless, the service was still unbelievable.

Cheryl got waiter 1 to refill her glass with water, waiter 1 came, refilled it and walked away (mind you, our glasses were nearly empty too) at that point of time we couldnt believed what juz happened so roo got waiter 2 to refill her glass, waiter 2 refilled her glass and walked away (my glass was nearly empty too!!!!) how ridiculous are they eh??!! How many times do we need to ask them to refill our glasses?

Anyway, met up with dan afterwards, he changed quite abit. But was somehoe glad to see him. Like as if everything with roo is complete once again. And i believe he couldnt take our crappings on the way to HV. Haha! Poor fellow! Then again, dat kinda shows things hadnt changed much, we'll still that 2 lil girls ooohing and ahhhing over every lil girly stuff.

Enraged

2006-05-14T00:03:00.000+08:00

I'm home on a saturday night.. actually i'm kinda pleased. I love the feeling of being at home and slacking my time away. I've indeed changed. I'm no longer that crazy lil girl who wrecked havoc juz a few months ago. I'm back to who i really am. That phase of mine is gone. Finally!.

Not a groupie neither a gold-digger!!! You made me smarter. Piss off coz i dun need your friendship. Its juz bull-crap!!!

Lousy Wednesday

2006-05-11T10:35:00.000+08:00

Lousy Wednesday

Its 4.41pm now.. approximately 45 mins left till i get out of here. Boy, i can't wait. Not because i'm going for shopping followed by a scrumptious dinner but because i really need a break from all these work. Hadn't been in the perfect mood even though it is a short week (don't expect me to skip arnd the office and do a happy dance, am i?) hadn't even slept well for the past week. being woken up by weird weird dreams (for eg, playing tennis with 20 other ppl at each side of the court, or getting chased from dubious characters) I live in the world of tom and jerry during zzz times. Except i'm jerry in this instance. Ppl have powerpuff girls i have chupa chups girls. Made up of sugar and spice and everything nice!

And recently, there arent any inspiration for me to write something interesting online. Not even a single post raving over what i bought while shopping (talking abt that, oooh, saw a corset dat was whoa.. it could make a size A look like size C) its all about grumblings about how much work and life suxs! I failed to see the side of good things. (Shucks! mayb i'm undergoing depression)

All i ever daydream about recently is to get away from this island, preferably to the land of sun shine.. (adelaide) i can go sun bake in the sun, go shopping, eat by the sea enjoying the sunset and sea breeze, taking in the night scenery all the stars up above shinning down and the magnificent view. how romantic -dreamssss-

Does that means i'm drowning and screaming out to a getaway!!

-Blogger was unkind to me ytd-

A day of Sun

2006-05-08T21:31:00.000+08:00

A day of SUN and FUN

Played a game of tennis, aww sorry oldie if i sorta forgot some of the techniques and its nothing like dancing okie... its much harder. But nonetheless a good butt kicking workout. Had my long awaited cavana chicken rice. Boy, was it good. To think i complained about it in the past. Abscence makes the heart grows fonder. Ooops!

Then headed down to sentosa, wooo hooo.. it was freaking sunny! Yeah to my liking.. wat a pity i dun get tan easily.. arggh!!

A chilling morning

2006-05-05T10:18:00.000+08:00

It rained and it poured this morning when i woke up. Not the best way to spend the morning getting ready for work. I rather be snuggling up under my covers with my teddy and slp till lunchtime. But i dun have this luxury. I've to drag myself up and prepare for work.

I kinda looked forward to today. Because i can finally unwind after one tiresome close. Too much headaches for one week. I finally bared my soul to win last nite. Told him everything that was bothering me this 1 week. Thou he knew i was stubbon and always rebutting wat he said but in the end, i would still have listened to him.

I seriously feel overloaded. There seem to be endless work to be done. Endless things to learn and all the tedious ways of doing everything. I'm slowly getting it, but i'm expected to fly. And i don't like the idea of getting anyone into trouble but still i've done it.. And i still hadnt gotten the application for school. I feel so worried!! Everything is so worrying...

Bull crap.. mayb i'm juz full of complains!

I'm out!

labour day blues

2006-04-30T23:53:00.000+08:00

Labour day blues

Yeah i should be aslp by now considering the fact that i've to work tml. How sad. Where half of spore prolly would be waking up at 11am.. i'm alrd well busy with work by then.

Anyway, kinda manage to really unwind over the weekend.. was over at zouk on fri nite and boy did i see so many familar faces. Mostly all the ex st-margsians... esp steph! missed bumming into her ever so often. And it was hilarious being with the grp. Win and his lame jokes about "whales" (okie you noe wat i'm toking abt eh)

Then on sat was over at a class bbq.. all those ppl i hadnt seen in a long while except for sarah where i see her practically everyday. Haha! Okie.. so most of them hadnt changed one bit. will meet up soon again before those guys have to do us proud by serving the nation and protecting our asses.

Went over to sentosa today with jas. As expected, the 2 chatterbox couldnt stop chatting from the moment we saw each other.. so many exciting goss to share! There were so many foreigners.. esp ah mohs and koreans (okie sarah, you can start camping there now) and many stark naked little boys. Haha!! couldnt understand why parents juz wouldnt bring their kids esp little boys to wash up in a proper toilet. They have to be striped naked infront of so many ppl..

I got to agree, i miss the sun the sand and the sea!

-i need a getway; anyone interested in a little trip overseas (with dat i dun mean sentosa)-

I'm out. Need to get up at 7! Pity me!

Wasted Talent

2006-04-18T10:07:00.000+08:00

I've been so wound up tight this couple of days. Maybe its the pressure i'm giving myself or prolly i'm kinda stressed up. With what you would ask right? Things are very different from school or even the intership here. Techniques i've to pick up in record time, fending for ourselves are crucial as well as self learning. No longer being told what to learn and wat not like how we are expose to back in school. Its a different world out here. Sometimes i wonder if i really am cut out for this job here. I mean some of you may think its juz an accounts job, how hard can it be to juz learn how to do the work. But sadly, thou thats enough to get you by but not enuff for you to justify your findings. We have to noe the fundamentals of the process before we can understand what we are doing certain things for and that part is the tricky one. Some others may tell me "Ade, you are not cut out to be in this line. Mayb marketing or tourism if more you" Sometimes i wonder if i really would have a better time in that line with more job satisfaction. But! i'm gonna put all those tots out and finish up with my degree first.

Suddenly, i've a urging feeling to get back into school right-a-way.

With talent, no hardwork there is no result. I might not even have the talent.. how depressing. And mainly tok only.. no action.. even more upsetting.

Sigh..

Things are going to change, For the better now dat i noe what has gone wrong...

*For lil kor - Thanx for all the encouragements*

*For chichi - I miss your piggy backs*

She is not a superwoman

2006-04-07T16:44:00.000+08:00

She is not a superwoman

Many a time, many of us thinks that a mother's job is to take care of all the daily runnings of household chores. All dat includes: cooking, washing the dishes, cleaning the toilet, vacumming the house, mopping the floor, listen to her husband's grumbles and children's complains, working and etc etc...

How many a time we have necglected her and have recognised her effort for being a super mum? How many time have we brought her out for dinner or to a spa for her to unwind? Or merely juz spending quiet time watching tv with her and listens to her ramblings once in a while as well as helping out? Prolly twice a year. Once during mothers' day and the other on her birthday.

How often do your dad actually praises her? And thank her for taking care of the family and slogging hard? Do men not need to say thank you as well? Are we as woman being confined to do the things we are said to "suppose" to do?

The saddest thing would be realising our mums are being unappreciated and treated like a maid. She deserve to do what she wants and deserved to have a life as well.

To my mother: I salute all your hardwork and am guilty for all i've done...

She deserved to be treasured.

GIRLS

2006-03-15T13:26:00.000+08:00

GIRLS

Why can we compromise pride, compromise confidence, compromise courage and so many more when it comes to love? Do we really put love before bread?

Read an acquaintant's blog, she was gushing about what a dream she is living in and hoping that the guy of her dreams will never get bored and sick of her. And prayed that even if he doesn't love her anymore, he should juz pretend he does.

I pity her. I really do. And i actually felt kinda sad after reading dat entry, and esp since i know this guy. And i noe he doesnt treat her right with all his might. Coz behind her back he is actually hitting on many others. And it dawned on me how much girls are willing to compromise for a fairy tale ending and juz to love and be loved.

Mayb i was once there, but i think realisation has alrd hit me hard. I no longer think that fairy tales happens. And i realised how important is one's pride, one's confidence. I wouldnt want to be throwing myself at anyone. Coz self esteem in important.

Self esteem makes one sexy! And that's what counts!

TwentySomething

2006-03-08T11:26:00.000+08:00

TwentySomething

PL says welcome to quarter life crisis (how true) even though i have juz started the journey. Met Roo yesterday and sat down to have a serious talk. We realised how shallow some of our common frens are and apparently some of them are even older den us. They are like aimless people. No goals no future juz merely in the whirl of night life - hard core partying. (we suspect they are running away from the reality of life)

Everyone seems to have their fair share of unresolved doubts. Queries dat cannot be answered overnight and aniexty that can only be suppressed. Be it a blurred future, unfulfilled dreams, money, marriage, relationships yadda yadda (at times like this i wish i am a bergdorf blonde den i'll only have to worry if my nails colour matches my new Emanuel Ungaro dress)

Many of us lack courage, the courage to face the music head on. If we could dig a hole, we'll bury ourselves (but we are not hamsters you noe) come to think of it, its scary growing up ain't it?

*I ain't gonna be that stupid girl anymore coz i've my pride - and dats dat*

In my own lil' world

2006-03-05T23:27:00.000+08:00

In my own lil' world

Now that school is out i feel alittle lost. Coz i've started working, and even though i hate to admit this but i actually missed going to school or rather skipping lectures coz i cant do that anymore man. I can't juz decide to not go to work when i juz feel like lazing in. I juz realised that i've stepped into the next stage in life and its kinda scaring me in both a good and a bad way.

I miss dance classes!

-Reluctant graduate-

*Do you know that noDon't mean yes, it means noSo just hold up, wait a minuteLet me put my two cents in itOne, just be patientDon't be rushingLike you're anxiousAnd two, you're just too aggressiveSo try to get your (Ahh) I don't give a...Keep looking at my...'Cause it don't mean a thing if you're looking at my...I'm a do my thing while you're playing with your...Ha, ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha* Beep

Adeeeee

2006-02-28T10:40:00.000+08:00

Adeeeee (here it goes again) for all my babes out there, its a happy post!

needs some chocolate biscuits
needs the happy sun
needs her gd ol' self back
needs a new perspective over things
needs more chocolate biscuits
or mayb an ice cream wld be gd
needs gd ol' humour
needs patience and faith
needs a hanky or mayb juz a shoulder
needs my honeybunnyfrens
needs courage
needs to be juz ME

*I really miss you*

-Fort Minor rocks!!- Rock my world

EnoughisEnough

2006-02-27T00:16:00.000+08:00

Is it fated? Or part of a destiny that even i can't do anything about?

It is purely disappointment. In many different aspect. I feel like i've settled for second best.

I am a stupid girl.

Why do i feel so horrible? So stoned off feelings? Where was tha bubbly face? That happy-go-lucky personality?

I am a bad fairy.

Valentine's Day

2006-02-15T13:27:00.000+08:00

This is what i found

Love:
A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.

Isn't that a crazy word that makes hearts thump faster, minds slowing down and being lost in the midst of courage and pride, yet the dictionary made it so simple to understand. Then why in the real world, its so hard to comprehend? Its makes individuals go berserk? What is love?

This year's valentine's day was really different! Baz: Thanx for making it this way!

A smile was all that was needed!

-2 more days to the smell of freedom! i could sleep in as late and do whatever i wan. Marks the end of attachment. I'm gonna go for a overhaul!-

Silly is my middle name

2006-02-08T11:03:00.000+08:00

Silly is my middle name

I marvelled the way how i'm always so blur especially when it comes to dealing with impt stuff. Can i be abit less BLUR?!!

Nothing in this world is ever sugary-and mashmellowish. I learnt it the hard way.

Someone said courtrooms are the hearts. I beg to differ. To me courtrooms are the brains. A place where you weight ur pros and cons. A place where the angel and devil quarrel. A place when you are being questioned on common sense. A place where everything is black and white. While the heart is where illusions are. It always filled with flowers and colours. A place where you dun think what you did is silly even though to another person it is the stupidest thing. In the heart, nothing is right or wrong. Nothing is common sense. Nothing has pros and cons. Everything juz feels right. Everything juz feels interesting. A place where there is no angel and no devil. And sometimes when you follow your heart, it might nv turns out the way you wan things to be. But one thing for sure, you dun leave with regret.

-Confusing Ain't it?-

Its messy its blurry

2006-02-02T23:19:00.000+08:00

Its messy Its blurry

There so much i want to say. Yet why i feel trapped like there's nowhere to go? I feel like i'm playing a chess game. Thinking deep at what my next move should be.

A little girl's diary. One that ain't filled with booze, smoke and sex. One so pure in its form. Its innocence for all to witness. A naive mind that has made her look oh so young. She has plenty to learn. Where some thinks she has not weathered any storm. Too safe in her small abandoned island. There is no politics, no controversy. Its juz her and her mind.

Is it really that bad to have a wonderland?

Law of the seed

2006-01-25T10:53:00.000+08:00

Law of the Seed

My colleague juz sent me a mail awhile ago and its called law of the seed. Toking about how many seeds u actually finds on an apple tree. Though there are many seeds (as there are many apples) on a tree, but why do u need so many seeds to grow a few more apple trees? Now, its a lesson learnt from nature coz most seeds dun grow. Which is why u need to plant more seeds. And in layman's term is by not giving up on the first try. One should try more times to succeed as successful people usually tries more den once, be it going for 20 interviews or meeting a special one out of 100 acquintances. And when one doesn't have a "should be/have" attitude, there wun be much disappointment.

No expectations brings no disappointment

Its really true.. don't you think? I mean why would people stop at once someone rejects them. Actually its good to be patient and tries somemore time.. coz only then you noe you are not walking away feeling the regrets. Easier said then done. I know perfectly well! I know all about it. This is something i am going to inculcate. Riggght??!

He will make a way when there seems to be no way

Ordinary

2006-01-22T23:02:00.000+08:00

Ordinary

Spenc juz turned 21 ytd. Hmm.. and now i'm counting down to mine as well. Haha!

Sundays are days for lying in and doing nothing.. precisely what i did for most of the day. I'm such a bummie. Supposed to go for a swim downstairs.. and it poured outside. Urgh!! I'll be too lazy to do so anyway. So ended up helping out with my mum making all those pineapple tarts and cleaning up. Okie i didnt really clean up but at least i tried.. haha! And those are yum, i believe i ate more den i baked. Sheesh!

Okie.. i totally forgot to publish that post last nite.. i'm such a goon. Tried reading some work dat i bought home and as everyone could guess i fell aslp while reading them. I guess, habits die hard.. hmm.. i mean i could stay up all nite with my novel but when it comes to school work or plain work.. i dozed off. How typical of me.

I suddenly realise there is one big regret of my poly days, why didnt i do what i wanted and join NRA?!! I mean okie.. it was kinda jpopish in the past but at least i could have done what i always loved to do!! PERFORM!! Arggh!!!

none

2006-01-17T15:44:00.000+08:00

STOP FUCKING AROUND WITH MY BRAINS!!!!!!!!!!!

Memories

2006-01-17T11:13:00.001+08:00

Memories

Its seems like with each song, with each movement, we tend to think of things that has passed. Be it happy memories or not so happy ones and of different people that has impacted our lives one way or another. Everyday is filled with surprises, be it good ones or not so good ones. And apart from having to live a mundane life, our life is actually not that routine with new things constantly happening around us. Juz that at many times, we choose to be oblivious to those changes and ignore the world spinning round and round. I'm one step closer to being a adult, feeling the pressure and the responsibility that i'm no longer a kid, my mum is no longer 30 and she is aging. Its scary if you really think about it. What have i accomplish in this life? Up till this point in life? Have i really led a fulfilling life? Have i really found a shore, a land that belongs to me or am i still floating out in seas seeing all the beautiful boats and dreaming bout that "madagascar"?

People seems to come and go rather quickly. How many of those people actually sticks around long enough to see each and every happening that's in your life? I wish i could be one that sticks around with those frens. Mayb by now many girlfrens have learnt that fact, but there are some other frens, that i sometimes feel like saying that our frenship doesnt only base on laughter and making merry, whenever we encounter a stone, there's me lending out my hand and listening ear. That, i would consider a real frenship!

I think i need to get in touch with my soul.. i suddenly feel lost!!

It's a Girls' Affair

2005-12-20T10:32:00.000+08:00

It's a Girls' Affair

The competition is less than 4 hrs away. Sitting here in the office and running through the steps is not doing very well for the nerves. I'm jittery. Irregardless of the countless competition that i've taken part, there's still always anxiety. Afraid i might screw up later, wrong move, wrong count, wrong timing, fall down, you name it... And unlike a performance, usually i feel like its such a breeze but this time we are actually being judged! The energy level, the coordination, even the way i move my ass will be taken into consideration which makes it so scary. Told myself i'm juz going to go out there put on my best and do what i always do best. But at this moment, i'm still nervous! I'm a perfectionist, i aim for the dance to be flawless, aim for my moves to be skilled to perfection which is why i'm so wound up in the office going through the music again and again running through the steps in my mind over and over again.

This morning i woke up feeling pretty f-uped coz i didnt exactly had the most pleasant night last night. Firstly "he" commented on my display pic. "he" didnt like the way i took the picture. started saying that i changed.. can't deny that i wasn't upset when i heard that because i didnt tot i really changed. Or mayb i did. I could tell.. Am i no longer like the girl who was in vini? Mayb i aint anymore. I think i grew, i matured, i had an attitude makeover.. i'm confused all over again. Then, i got dissappointed. Someone kinda promised something.. yet didnt fulfil that promised. And that promised has already been made twice. Sometimes, i juz wish, no one promises anything then there will be no disappointment.

Guys are full of disappointment
and
Girls are full of expectations

If we all didnt have expectations, then there wun be disappointment. If they didnt disappoint us, we wun have expectations. Everything needs two hands to clap. And i'm having a serious case of PMS!! Arggghhhhh!!!!

Guessed what i just heard, the tixs to the competition are being sold out! Freak!

- i'm out of here -

Par-tay Nite

2005-12-16T00:11:00.000+08:00

Par-tay Nite

Its only less den 24 hours away from the performance at convention tomorrow. Even though with all the SYF and cheerleading experiences i'm still experiencing butterflies.. jitters over if they dance is good, the turn out of convention nite as well as the crowd...

Wishes everything goes smoothly... Will update about tml..

To him: I juz realised what is actually good for you and i am respecting you! Hope things will change for the better.. All i wan is to see you happy!!

To a particular oldie: Thanx for helping me out with the report today!!

-out-

I'm a Nerd I'm a Party Girl I'm a Princess all i need is Girl Power

2005-11-16T15:57:00.000+08:00

I'm a Nerd I'm a Party Girl I'm a Princess all i need is Girl Power

You called and my hearts thump
I'm trying to untangle but i fall deeper deeper into the slums
I'm not in love (i'm lying)
I'm in love ( with myself)
Selfish you called me.. i agreed.. satan gave the devil horns..
I scream i shout i cry..
i'm tired!
emotionless.. Numb.. i cant feel
I dun give a damn i dun wan to care
But why do my heart hurts like its rip into 2
Am i always looking for something new..
I dont want to go running away
Break freeeeee.... breatheeeeee but the air is stale...
Arghh!!!
What is it i wan? I no longer knew.. i'm juz a party girl.. wild and havoc..
i miss the nerd.. little miss where have you been??
I need my mantra i need my prerogative
I need to play by my rules.. I need to go with the flow.. i want nature to take its course
A total attitude makeover..
Screeeemeeeee
Life's a bitch for me now, suddenly its all white trash...
I need to walk but i dun wan to walk
I hate myself..
Where's that ade!!! where's that spunk.. that attitude.. that person i wan to be??!!!
I dun need to be judged. I am my own person.
if its meant to be it will be..

Fight the feeling Leave it alone It just aint enough to leave my happy home Let's keep it friendly You have to play fair See I dont care But I know we ain't gonna wanna share

-pissed out-

Split Personalilty

2005-11-08T09:14:00.000+08:00

Split Personality

Human are made up of so many cells and so many chromosomes that its hard to believe that there is only one kind of character in us. I certainly don't believe in that. Throughout this rollar coaster week, i've thought of many many things. Heights that i'm afraid to reach and feelings thats of denial. But i've realised ONE thing, and that is all of us have split personality. The persona that you gives out may not be what you are feeling inside. Some says i'm just putting on a brave front and some sees me crumble. It a matter of who we want to show which side of us to. At least its something i have found out about myself. There's always 2 side to the story and likewise there 2 sides of me. Naughty Vs Nice. Devilish Vs Angelic. Mean Vs Kind. n the list goes on. One could be a sweet little angelic girl in the day and turned into a punkish gothic doll in the night. I'm not sure if u understand my ramblings but yeah..

it had been a rollar-coaster weekend for me. Been up to heaven and down in hell. I realised that when things are going bad for me.. and when i thought god was punishing me, i know the world doesnt solely revolve around me becoz many others are having their own problems, their own sob story. I feel like i'm running away from all the problems and refuses to see them eye to eye. But i'm not going to be that tortoise and i'm not going to hide in my shell. I shall come out and face the music. I will learn to be independent like V taught and i will deal with it with a matured mind. I'm going to sit down with a clean sheet of paper to work on and slowly sort out this big surreal blur. Untie knots and unbuckle thoughts. I need strength to pull thru. I need hope to see me thru. Most importantly, i need courage!

*I'm a Princess. I'm a butterfly girl. But now, I'm juz a butterfly girl with a broken wing*

Life's a mystery

2005-10-31T13:39:00.000+08:00

Life's a mystery

Indeed, everyone's life and future is a big question mark. You can never guess what is in store for you. And usually life is never like how you dreamt it would be like or how much you wishes it will be like. You could never have imagine what could happen until they have happened. Its like getting hit by a big yellow bus. Thats the excitement of life, i suppose. Celebrated my birthday last saturday. It was quite a celebration, one of those times that will stay in my memory bank for a long long time. It was one of those days where you juz let loose and have some fun and allowing that part of me that was hidden inside of me for too long to come out and play. The anticipation and andrenaline rush was so great it feels like driving down the highway on a bike flying through the wind at 200km/h. Its good to be different for ahwile. And using this opportunity i wanna thank these khakis:

The girls (Charm, Jeanette, Cheryl, Charl, Trish n Jean): Thanx for all the taking care of me. Of all the fun.. from embarassing me at fish & co to making me eat the banana on the podium and for making me count fingers. Haha!!! You guys are the greatest gfs i ever had. And thanx for all the warm fuzzy prezzies.. totally love it!! Thank you for making it all so memorable and partying hard with me.. All my bootylicious princesses i love you!!!! Charl - you certainly dun need crash course.. i can see you dancing so hard. haha!!

The guys (Mark, Ivan, Em, Sammy, Andy, danny, wes): Thanx guys for protecting the princesses haha.. and taking of this little one here. I really had fun.. (ivan) thanx for the drinks (em) thanx for all ur chiding and taking care. U'll one big teddy!! haha (mark) thanx ar.. for playing that prank on me.. you must have been that mastermind rite? haha... the prezzie love it!!

Though i may have done many silly things ( now i noe why i neck is aching) and sorry for embarassing those people i've been toking gibberish to. haha!! but i knew what i was toking about!! hahahah!!!

-outtie-

One Nite Stand.Clubbing.Cute Vs Attitude Girls.

2005-10-27T15:37:00.000+08:00

One Nite Stand. Clubbing. Cute vs Attitude Girls

A regualr picture of a sexy hot mama strutting her stuff in a club. Man goes up and buys her a drink. They danced. They got high and sweaty. They leave the club and checks in. And there you have it, their private rendeavour! Girls are selling themselves short and without dignity. Spoiling the market for the rest of us. First impression guys have on girls would never be the same again. There is no self respect even for us. And guys only thinks of girls as toys. How many guys would not be turn on with the way a pretty girl sashays around and shaking her ass. But life's not just for a fuck. Was toking to a childhood fren about clubbing and the phonies you meet there. Some girls are willing to give u a lap dance juz as long as you sign them in or buy them a drink. some guys are attrociously immature who only plans on flaunting their wealth and believing they could get any girls to slp with them juz as long as they buys u a drink and signs u into the vip area. As for frens you made there. How many of them are actually more than juz hi bye frens and how many frens do you actually go out with in the broad day light. I doubt there are many. And why would these people still bothers to put on a smiling face everytime nite falls and when they goes in queue? I'm certainly not criticising clubber's behaviours as i'm a clubber myself. These are some of my perceptions over certain issues. As there are people who clubs for all the wrong reasons.
And we went on about girls. Some girls are naturally cute. however, these girls are different from those who act cute. There is a difference so as to speak. And naturally adorable ones doesnt need to pose with a V sign while taking photo to be cute. They could have a attitude of their own. A mind of their own. Speaking out what they wan think what they think. So why cant people juz live with the fact that not all cute girls are whiny, poses with a V sign and speaks funnily....

Life's a Irony

2005-10-26T10:11:00.000+08:00

Life's a irony

When there is too much work we complain
When there is no work we complain
When he is always calling us we complain
When he doesnt have time to call we complain
When we have to mug for exams we complain
When we doesnt have to mug and are working we complain
Life is just full of complains. Trouble comes with a over-sensitive mind. Thinking of how people sees and think of us. Wouldnt we all be happier if there were no complains? Just enjoying the pure simplicity of life? Complains makes one's mind cloud over with negativity and covers up the sunshine that is peeking out. Ahh.. a new year resolution.
Spoken to charl last nite and poured ourselves over wat we wanna do in the future. I mean we came to a conclusion that this attachment has not fully opened our eyes to a fulfilling future.
What we want? What do we really really want to do with our life? That's still a qn with an unknown ans hanging in the air. Oh well.
Going to go out for a feast today. Rewarding us for slogging our guts out for one month afterall its our first real professional working experience. Hmm. Good food always makes one feels good and giving us a sense of satisfaction. Weirdly true.
Dance with char been great. A good sweaty workout. However, its been abit tedious to catch up after such a long break especially foot work as we started with their adv beg. As well as all the other competitors trying to outshine each other with shaking their booty and their sexy posses. Well i must say that char's senior can really dance. Arh. Diva. Carol's moves are getting better with more spunk and attitude. (i like) i just realise no matter how old you are you can be pretty skilled in hiphop as well. Just as long as you gives out that "i'm cool" aura. I'm just amazed. And fleshy girls.. well they can dance and shake man.. juz compare beyonce and like paris hilton.. see the difference! shout outs(yay) from fleshy ladies*
Anyway skinny guys cant carry wearing business shirts and pants as well as beefy guys. Yeah thats true. It will certainly make skinny guys look flat at the butt. Ah.. now you wats with that V attraction.
Life's like this... so well... i guess now's it back to the otherboringmundaneeiggy stuff....

-outtie-

Pit Stop

2005-10-20T11:34:00.000+08:00

15 Mins to lunch time and boy am i glad for this part of the day. It symbolises the fact that i've survived the first half of the day at work. Been pretty busy this couple of days (I like!) at least it keeps my brain working.. haha! Life's been mundane ever since attachment started. Been more of a couch potato den ever. Watched charmed last nite (finally) after i've like missed out on so many episodes. Oh well... And tonight after such a long time i'm going back to studio wu.. i mean i've always enjoyed classes there with char.. especially during the last hols because we were the one coming out with the mass dance. And all we do is bum around each other's house and dance dance dance. I certainly missed it...

Told Cheryl all about V and sometimes i wonder what is he up to. One minute so warm and friendly, the next totally ugly. I mean wassup with the attitude. Or prolly i'm reading too much between the lines. We all argreed that i should stop thinking about it as he is not worth it man.. so i should juz drop it.

Okie.. i'm getting bored.. i'm outta here for now... *what does your pink chakra says? i needa check it out*

xoxo

Backies!!!

2005-10-17T16:57:00.000+08:00

Alrighty... i guessed my blog have indeed gathered a hefty amount of cobwebs. Yesh peeps.. i'm finally back to blogging after that long rest. I mean come one who can resist the temptation of rambling on and on and on about things that other dun care 2 cents of knowing. And beside the point, i'm juz feeling really bored and lethargic at work. i was practically snoozing at my desk. I mean how worst can work get. After a not so scrumptious lunch u juz feel all tired. wishing you were back home lying on that all comfortable couch and watch some tv. Arggh! I muz be daydreaming again. Anyhow.. wat matter most is at least i've revamped my blogskin, created a new tag box (the other one expired) and giving it a new attitude. Love it! and i did that all in like erm.. 2 hrs.. haha.. tok about skiving.. precisely.. alright.. i'm outta here now...

*one thing i'm really pissed off was the skin doesnt allow me to add in my links.. and i deleted them by accidently. daRn*

xoxo...

Thanx Guys!!

2005-08-06T09:18:00.000+08:00

Hey people.. i'm just gonna say blogging for the past few months has been fun.. however i guess i'm going to bid my blog goodbye for now and return only when i really feel like blogging yea?? So thanx for all those peeps out there who reads my blog and comment on them.. well.. dats all for now.. i'll return soon.i hope..

cheers
ciao

Selfish

2005-07-06T23:32:00.000+08:00

For you...

I can't help myself but think of you constantly

You can call me selfish

Hopelessly in love

All i need is you

You can call unperfect but what am i gonna do

Till the day i make you realise that my sky is no longer gray

I will take care of you

Baby, believe in me

I don't wanna be anyway without you

You can call me selfish all i want is your love

To noe nothing can push me away

To noe my rainbow is in pink

Search my soul

Call upon faith

Selfishly i'm in love with you

You have turn the movie in black and white

Selfishly i am here with you

shitty??

2005-06-18T00:07:00.000+08:00

There is always nice and nasty things i could say to sum up this week. Well.. its ranting session.. been always a socket for me and my thoughts.. overflowing from the mind at work. Why would i say nasty things. I mean i am of course pissed off. To think i spend so much effort into doing it. Hoping that this time round i really grasp the fark i'm suppose to know and there it is being all and forgotten. Could you have seen my horrified face when i saw the end product? I feel so thwarted, i mean how can i not feel the least infuriated. Look at it.. its all going down down and down... And i hadnt being feeling all smiley the entire week. My mum is out of town and i miss her like crazy. Coz the house feels so empty without her presence and baz is working now, lesser time to spend with me and then he comes home late and i'm doing work and he has to go to bed coz he is tired. What is all these man!!! A truely taxing week. My patience for myself is running dry.. Walls that doesn't listen, silence that muffles me up.. i am bleak oh so bleak!

Happy.. of coz there are.. but i juz dun feel like toking about it now!! pause it for awhile when i'm all lovely hearts and sunshiney...

It all sucks!

starry night

2005-05-14T23:08:00.000+08:00

tonight's a rainy night
the thunders roar
the windows closed
as i cuddled up on my couch as my frens party the night away
volka chinablack indochine and that was the previous night
my way my time of partying the night till 4
now, i'm juz chilling in my PJs
sch reopening fast approaching
wishing i had more time to party and play
but time do not wait
a new chapter is about to start
as i venture into the days
now, i juz wan to think
how i wan the third year to be
i need to unravel the me that was being tucked away..
welcome me!

photo fanatic

2005-04-27T22:46:00.000+08:00

Yeah.. as the title suggest, i've turned into a photo fanatic. Ha! Its juz that i am getting all the pictures i took this week from baz and char. And looking at them its juz so funny! *snap snap snap* ooh.. i need to learn how to upload the pictures on my blog so that u guys can see how goofy we people can get. Oh well..

Been out shopping for the past 2 days.. i can alrd feel that i am going to be broke.. its a need to get in touch with the world of shopping after living in rural area for the past 4 days.. i wonder how much shopping i would do after coming back from actual camp.. i guess a shopaholic got to do wat a shopaholic do best.. make sense?

Went to watch Guess who with baz today. It is an amazing show.. totally heart warming and not forgetting hilarious too. Even though the story is pretty predictable and its a bit like meet the parents but it is definitely more romantic. I totally love their houses. Makes me fantasize only..bummer.. and I really had fun goofying around with baz.. he juz makes me tickle with his jokes.. and yum.. thanx for the pokey!! chocolate is as nice as strawberry.. haha!! Went to pennisula plaza to get his t-shirts.. yeah.. they look exactly the same as the topshop one.. cheater.. keke

Gotten my timetable today.. i thank my stars that i didnt end up in the same class as hooters.. but den its sad that all my classmates (alright.. most of them) ain't gonna be in the same class as me.. so afraid that i might end up being so alone.. afterall its a brand new class.. *crosses fingers* however, there is a consolation, which is i gotten the elective i wanted.. marketing.. it was said to be one of the more popular course.. so guess i'm juz lucky! Yup.. the new sem is like starting in a month's time.. i am promising myself that i am going to my butt off for this last sem in sch after all i'm going to be shipped off to attachment the next semster..

Alrighty.. think i better get going.. there is girl's hiphop tml and i'm going with char.. and we are going to get creative tml.. haha.. messy messy..

ciao

when you start anew...

2005-04-26T11:49:00.000+08:00

I need to learn to be more independent

I need to stop being so unappreciative of ppl

I need to start caring about ppl's feelings

I need to stop being only about me

I need to start understanding myself

Lastly, i think i need a new dress

later

neverending ferris wheel

2005-04-05T01:01:00.000+08:00

LOVE.. that simple four letter word that spells out so much. No one can ever understand it fully and no one can actually succeed in explaining it. It should never be an understatement. It should be appreciated. So here i am trying to understand and explain it...

My definition of LOVE is like a theme park...

Each rls one goes into is like taking a ride, be it the viking or the rollar coaster. Always an escapade that lingers in the mind. Some rides are mild yet breathtaking, while some others are intense and sensational. And when you get down from the ride, there are usually 3 senarios, one- you hated being on it and warn all ur frens nv to go on such a ride ever again, two- you can't wait to queue up all over again and re-experience all the excitement, third- you knew you enjoyed the ride yet you wouldnt want to pay another 5 bucks for taking it again.
After a tiring day in the theme park, when you finally got the chance to sit down, you would be thinking of all the rides you have sat, some, you would think of it more than the other.. some would be extravagantly humorous while some might juz make your stomach churn...

Oh well, enuff said. Something you would only reckon when you are in one, or have been in one...

*being in a rls is never easy.. the first step is to decide whether to step on that ride.. hold on tight*

WHY?

2005-03-07T09:13:00.000+08:00

it might sound crazy..
but dats exactly how it is now..
we are taking this time..
learning how not to be a loser..
so we are leaving each other behind..
taking a step back to peer closer to anticipate us nt being a fool..
our common song.. common feelings.. common thoughts..

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
And every second I waste is more than I can take
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

but i don't wan to be like this..
i don't want to think like this..
all i wan is colours in my life...

sometimes...

2005-02-16T22:37:00.000+08:00

sometimes we care..
sometimes we care abit too much..
sometimes we poke our noses in..
sometimes we evoke ur nostalgia feelings..
sometimes we think..
sometimes we help you think..
sometimes there are so many things on the tip or our tongue..
yet we wouldnt dare say it..
sometimes we knew..
sometimes we don't..
sometimes we see things dat are block by you..
all we want is the rainbow to rise again..
however, if we are unclear..
please do not say things dat will hurt us..
becoz we only care...

LOVE

2005-02-11T10:50:00.000+08:00

What is love?

it makes you tingle
it makes you smile
it brings sunshine
as well as rain
it gives you the strength
it gives you the power
it gives you the warmth
as well as passion

from love
you learn to give
you yearn to take
you learn to compromise
you learn the word predilection

there is faith
there is hope
and they is expectations, desire, promulgation of eternal love...

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. - Captain Corelli's Mandolin

*happy valentine's peeps!!*

Magic!

2005-01-31T22:51:00.000+08:00

LOVE is like a caterpillar..
it was so awkward and fragile in its initial stage..
slowly, it metamorphoses into a ravishing butterfly.
so fly away.. drown in this romance with the butterfly..